Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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