I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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