can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
