OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
