I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
