I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
