I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
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Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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