please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
