Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
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I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
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You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
soo... how was my night?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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