How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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