and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
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All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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