Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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