im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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