it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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