i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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