is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
