i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Randomize
