Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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