I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
