im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Holy sore nipples Batman
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