Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
