sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
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Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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