I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
