The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
