So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
