You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
