Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
