Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
