I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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