Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
