Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
