Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
