it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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