Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.