By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.