I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.