Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.

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  (978): I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work. http://tfl.nu/5w8x
  Replies (16) Good night (2378) Bad night (783)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood

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  (435): Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood http://tfl.nu/j2rr
  Replies (57) Good night (9308) Bad night (1190)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.

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  (609): He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night. http://tfl.nu/520f
  Replies (31) Good night (2724) Bad night (7379)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope

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  (301): You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope http://tfl.nu/v6u5
  Replies (2) Good night (3981) Bad night (621)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.

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  (718): Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't. http://tfl.nu/3gl0
  Replies (15) Good night (1326) Bad night (4956)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones

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  (985): I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones http://tfl.nu/jfi7
  Replies (11) Good night (3700) Bad night (1250)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.

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  (970): I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting. http://tfl.nu/e4bo
  Replies (11) Good night (984) Bad night (2580)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays

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  (267): Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays http://tfl.nu/fevr
  Replies (9) Good night (3916) Bad night (1085)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight

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  (636): Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight http://tfl.nu/6533
  Replies (17) Good night (891) Bad night (4399)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.

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  (720): She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship. http://tfl.nu/wvbn
  Replies (15) Good night (602) Bad night (1519)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.

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  (616): sex on the stairs. not our finest idea. http://tfl.nu/6x8t
  Replies (6) Good night (709) Bad night (431)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Your word choices worry me.

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  (520): Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants? (614): Your word choices worry me. http://tfl.nu/ader
  Replies (5) Good night (730) Bad night (475)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?

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  (816): I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't? http://tfl.nu/oexg
  Replies (0) Good night (552) Bad night (318)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?

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  (734): Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up? http://tfl.nu/3eiv
  Replies (2) Good night (371) Bad night (184)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon

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  (812): Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon http://tfl.nu/5eu4
  Replies (2) Good night (609) Bad night (140)

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