the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
