I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just gargled with NyQuil
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
