I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.