First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize