It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.