I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.