you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween