so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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