His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
