just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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