i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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