I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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