I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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