thus making me awesome and them whores
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
There's even glitter on my cock...
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