it was like his penis was on wheels.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
