we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i've created a new STD.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
