maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
