don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
