my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
