Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
