I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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