we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
where are my eyebrows?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
