New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
