Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
