I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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