He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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