it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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